Are you looking for ways to make the task a little easier? If you answered yes, then you have come to the right place. This article may be the panacea you are seeking. With some easy tips and tricks, you can make hair washing a fun affair or at least a little tolerable.
If your little one likes to play in the tub, she might be willing to tolerate a hair wash in the hope of the fun coming next. Sometimes, the sensation of shampoo trickling down on their scalp can be too stimulating for toddlers.
Make sure the shampoo you are using is mild. Washing toddlers hair can be an experience in itself! Also, make sure that the shampoo you are using has a no-tears formula. While rinsing off the hair, you can ask your toddler to tilt her head backward. You can put some stickers on the ceiling to keep your toddler occupied while you rinse her hair. If tilting head backward is not working for you, try making your toddler lean forward with a dry cloth over her eyes.
This simple step will give her a sense of control while rinsing. Breathe your way through it and just hold him, if he will let you. Otherwise stay very close and keep your soothing voice going to stay connected.
Reassure him that you are there keeping him safe and you will always keep him safe. When you have done as much of this as you can handle, you can ask again if he's ready for his hair wash. If he still says No, you can say, "Sweetie, I do want to wash your hair, but we don't have to do it tonight. But soon?
He felt safe enough to trust you with his big feelings, and you showed up in a solid way so that he can go further next time. If you repeat this not necessarily every bath time, but when you feel you can summon up the commitment to really listen to him , you will see that his upset is diminishing, as he is getting all his past fears off his chest.
Then you want to pick another day when you have sufficient time to really "listen" and up the ante. Tell him that the day has come when you want him to at least get his hair wet, but that he is completely in charge of telling you when to stop and go. You will have another repeat of tears before he even gets in the tub, maybe for an hour, but eventually he will agree to get in the tub and get his hair wet.
I would suggest that you tell him that to keep him safe, you will get in the tub also this time. This changes the dynamic from those previous times when he felt traumatized, because you are right there holding him. Sit in the back of the tub, with him in front of you, his back to you. Fill a small plastic cup with warm water and ask him if he wants to be the one to pour it on his hair.
If he says no, but begins to cry, hold him. Your goal, remember, is to give him a chance to get out all those feelings that have made him hate having his hair washed all this time. You don't care if his hair gets washed. So let the cup get just close enough so that he cries, while you hold him and tell him that you will always keep him safe. If he has already worked out most of his fears, his tears will be short.
If not, they will be long. Eventually, though, he will probably pour the water himself, or let you pour it. Tell him that he can tell you when to start pouring and when to stop. Keep it toward the back of his head.
That's it. No hair wash, just a little water at the back of his head. Celebrate his bravery. It may not seem like much to you that he got the back of his head wet, but he has been brave enough to engage the inner demons that were terrorizing him so much that he vomited. It's a big deal that he has been able to face those fears and withstand him. Like all fears, they melt away when we stand up to them, as they will do now.
But that doesn't lesson the courage it took for him to face his terror, or the importance of your support. The next time, of course, you can take this a step further. Eventually, you will be able to wash his hair with you holding him, with no tears.
This may sound like an awful lot of work, compared to just holding him down and washing his hair, or letting his hair stay dirty.
But of course you don't really like the idea of either of those options, precisely because neither is ultimately good for your son or for your relationship with him. The reason you're going to all this trouble is that you're laying the foundation for a fantastic and close relationship with him as he gets older, and for him to develop emotional intelligence. By becoming his trusted witness, you're strengthening your relationship with him, and his trust in you.
You're helping him to process his fears and move beyond them. So at the end of this process, not only will he be happily washing his hair, but he'll be more cooperative in every way, and able to manage all the normal fears of childhood. That's what I call inspired parenting! Just what I needed. None of the other methods of "disciplining" were working for us. These articles are really helping me understand what my son needs.
And the way you give specific actions to take, with suggested words! I often find myself thinking when reading about parenting, "But how exactly do I implement that???? This website does not leave me hanging. Thank you! We all want to be awesome parents; we just don't know how.
Yours is the best advice I've found so far on what to do when you, the parent,are angry. Most say something like, "Deal positively with your anger! Laura Markham on www. I have written on a wall at home to always choose love, love is patient, love is kind, love protects, love will get me home.
Laura's parenting advice completely changed my relationship with my daughter, improved her self-esteem, and transformed our lives. Providing my daughter with acknowledgement of her feelings and point of view reduced her oppositional behaviors and emotional meltdowns to nearly none. My prayers goes out to anyone experiencing problems with their child and doing everything possible to make sure that he or she gets the help needed.
It is so hard seeing your child going through this everyday. Hi Sherika, It can be so difficult when our kids have sensory processing challenges. We have tons of information on picky eating. We also have a free sensory workshop. It might be a great resource for you to check out. You can save your seat HERE. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions! My son has all the same issues with the hair washing and he says i pull his hair, but the biggest problem is worrying about getting soap in his eyes.
I try to let it go as long as I can. Any ideas? Hey Sheila, We understand how hard this can be! You can try the bath visor as listed in the article, it may help him feel more calm about getting the soap in his eyes. As for him touching the soap to wash his hands. You can try to do play with washing animals as well to see if that will help desensitize him. Best, Desiree. My 3 year old foster son was sprayed in the face as a baby and now is terrified of water in his face.
Bath time is ok but hair washing is horrible! The fear in his eyes and panic is terrible! Please help. Hey Peggy, Thanks for reaching out! You can then slowly start to add some water during this play outside changing the bathtub scenery to help him get used to it!
Hope that helps! She is deathly afraid of water to where I tried several methods to wash her hair she grabbed onto me and pulled my left which tore my shoulder ligament two years ago. I have tried washing her hair in her bedroom, getting into the bathtub with her, laying her on the counter which caused the shoulder injury , replacing the faucet with a detachable nozzle, and so forth and so on. Her dad and I try to tag team and hold her tablet in front so that she is preoccupied with something.
I have read some of the comments and the one where the child is wearing goggles might be a good option. She does not like the beach nor waterparks; bath time is ok as long as we are not washing her hair.
Any other suggestions will help tremendously. Hey Kira, Sorry this is so hard for you, but we get it! I know there are suggestions in the article for you. Have you tried just working on allowing her to have her head tipped backwards.
This is discussed in number 1 in the article, but it may be the feeling of that. So utilizing a mirror and working on her allowing to have you tip her head back without the use of water may be helpful! My grandson is terrified of getting water in his eyes during bath time and swimming. He refuses to go underwater swimming any suggestions in getting him acclimated?
Hi Wendy, That can be a really tricky thing to work through! If the water especially the pool water seems to hurt his eyes, you could always work on getting him to tolerate goggles. Another thought is to keep a towel nearby so he is able to wipe his own eyes when he feels like he needs to. We also have a post on summer sensory activities that would be great to check out to keep encouraging him to work through any sensitivities he might have!
Best, Andrea. Our daughter hates having her hair washed, she is non verbal autistic with sensory processing disorder. She is 11 with a cognitive ability of 1 year old. We only wash her hair every 4 days, it is a complete struggle and causes her to become extremely violent to us and herself. We have tried many times all that you suggest but to no avail. She enjoys having her hair dried but not the washing.
We only have a bath tub, however when we go swimming she enjoys standing under the shower, however if we start to wash her hair will act in the same way. Really struggling here. Have you tried to locate what part she is not liking? If you know its the tipping head back you can work on tipping head back outside of bathtimes to work on this, etc. Hope this helps! To start she self harms biting and throwing her head back, she is so slippery and therefore trying to hold her is almost impossible.
When she gets out she runs naked for the door as she wants to escape.
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